39. Tour of Duty

Fuk it.
Fuk church.
I’m not going.
I’m not going to a church that prejudges and calls me names.
I had to deal with my rejection issues with the Reverend John Peters of St. Mary’s.
After years of feeling despised and rejected by my pastor I realized half the congregation felt the same.
Despised and rejected.
Like Jesus.

He was despised and rejected yet he opened not his mouth…
He was led like a lamb to the slaughter…
Isaiah 53

Moving church did the trick.
Finding a church where I felt welcome and loved.
I had found it in HTB.
St. Paul’s Onslow Square.
It had played a part twice in my life.
The first time, 6 months after I had found Jesus …
(while tripping on LSD – but that’s another story)
… God led me to a group of creatives at SPOS with this amazing choreographer using the old church building as a dance space – and I danced in her show: Babylon Bridge.
That’s where I met some of my closest friends.
Awesome people: actors, dancers, singers, musicians, designers, photographers, artists of all sins and pleasures…
I knew I had found my home.
What followed was a ten year journey of learning to accept love from people – for the first time ever.
Yeh I felt rejected by the pastor- but it was a 1000 person congregation – I was looking in the wrong place.
Eventually, over the next 10 years, with the help of Joyce Meyer’s book The Root of Rejection and the love of a few close friends, I learned how to love and be loved.
Isn’t that the greatest thing we can ever learn ?
Who sang that song?

The greatest thing…
You’ll ever learn…

But now, here I was again, at the beginning of my mission to Cambodia…the ol’ rejection monster was rising like Godzilla from the sea of shame….
I should have read Joyce Meyer’s book again…
Maybe then I wouldn’t have said:
Fuk it.
Fuk church.
Maybe I wouldn’t have ventured on alone…
Into the heart of darkness in Cambodia’s underground world of sex work, drugs, gangs and violence…
Or maybe God wanted me to venture on alone…
Not alone tho..
With Him.
With Jesus.
My warrior God at my side and in my heart.

Anyone who wants to be my disciple must follow me, because my servants must be where I am.
– John 12.26

Jesus was already in Cambodia gangland …and now He was calling me to serve there with Him.
This was to be my tour of duty…

Author: Mark Dark

Actor Teacher Writer Breaking Bad for Christ – a Novel. Actor turned Christian missionary turns his back on his Hollywood dreams to combat sex trafficking in Cambodia – and finds himself deep underground in a dangerous world of drugs, gangs and violence. Based on a true story. https://steveedwardsthoughts.wordpress.com/

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