71. Creepy Crawlies

My mum was the sort of mum who liked to keep the peace.
Mum was the peace keeper.
Blessed are the peace keepers, for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven, says Jesus.
Rather than confront a family issue and have a healthy discussion, out of fear of discord or discomfort or destruction, Mum preferred to carry on as if there was no real problem.
I don’t blame her.
A peaceful house meant we could all sit together and watch TV…
But no deep issues, family conflicts, were addressed.
Not in a spiritually healthy, family therapy kind of way.
Family problems, unresolved conflicts, were swept under the carpet.
So we all, my mum and dad and their four children, lived a surface-level existence as far as inter-familial relationships go.
But the problem with having only one peacekeeper in a war zone is, when that peacekeeper passes into eternity, as Mum did in August 2015, there was  no one to keep the peace any more.
All the issues, problems and unresolved issues came scurrying out from under the carpet – like insects scuttling out from beneath a just overturned rock – biting, spitting and attacking each other like toxic cockroaches, poisonous snakes and venomous spiders.
I’d been through therapy for years already.
In hindsight, it would have been a wiser idea to have returned to the therapists chair.
Rather than to return to Cambodia, as if from a war zone, our family decimated.
Destroyed.
What I should have done was arrange to see Richard, my therapist.
But grief can take us by surprise and we can sometimes make unwise choices which lead us on a path to self-destruction, rather than wise choices which heal our minds and our souls.
My choice was to run from the scurrying insidious insects into the street pharmacy on the streets of Phnom Penh.
My plan, subconscious plan, was to self medicate and get out of my face.cropped-20190301_1140036477003545984844261
 

Author: Mark Dark

Actor Teacher Writer Breaking Bad for Christ – a Novel. Actor turned Christian missionary turns his back on his Hollywood dreams to combat sex trafficking in Cambodia – and finds himself deep underground in a dangerous world of drugs, gangs and violence. Based on a true story. https://steveedwardsthoughts.wordpress.com/

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