I sit down at the Swiss Bar.
See a magic elefant.
One of the first magic elefants I had ever seen.
The bar girl sees something in my eyes.
She looks afraid.
I breathe. Relax.
Ask her for a bottle of water.
She saw the fear.
Fear in my eyes.
A mix of each.
Pain. Fear. Love.
The magic elefant sees it too.
I feel terrible.
Something in my eyes was causing fear. Fear in the heart of a magic elefant.
It kills me.
You’ve got it wrong, I thinks to myself.
I’m not a monster. I don’t want to hurt the elefants. I want to work with the magic elefants. Catch the monsters with them.
What you see in my eyes is fear. Pain. Love.
My consciousness recalibrates.
My thoughts divert to the magic elefant in the village.
The one who loves me.
Daughter of Razor.
I’m happy she’s in the village with Mak – her grandmother.
Happy she’s away from the poisonous, vile words of her toxic-tongued father.
He ran to Belgium, someone told me.
Razor didn’t say that. Just said he had to ‘disappear.’
My hope for him was to disappear in little pieces in the feeding bay of a crocodile farm.
Ran to Belgium.
Good. I hope he stays there.
I’m getting strange looks from everyone around me – all of the local women.
I guess it’s the 4 nights without sleep.
4 nights waiting for Razor.
How long can I wait?
I see the Bong Thom.
Can I sit with you?
She slips me a bag of ice.
Pay me when you’ve got it.
It’s a lot.
About a gram.
I feel like a V.I.P.
She must know I’m James Bond.
Everyone knows, around here.
You jit la’or Steve, aren’t you?
A good heart.
I’m jit la’or.